New Investment Vocabulary

Bull Market:

Random market movement causing any investor (Layman) to mistake himself as a financial genius.



Bear Market:

A time period (duration unknown) during which, children get no pocket money, wife gets no jewels and the husband gets no sex.


Momentum Trading:

The fine art of buying high and selling low.



Value Investing:

The finest art of buying low and selling much lower.


Stock Editor:

The person who scratches his head wondering why his every prediction goes wrong.


Managing Editor:

The person, who does not know any thing and accepts that by telling every time, “I don’t know”


Rating Agency:

The firm, which has just downgraded your stock.



Analyst:

The person, who tells you to buy at higher levels and sell at lower levels.


Broker:

Earlier prosperous, now poorer than you.


Foreign Institutional investor (FII):

Last year investment bank, this year bankrupt.


Domestic Institutional Investor:

Last year investments, this year provisions


Mutual Funds:

Managing your funds in such a way that NAV always goes down regardless the market movement.


Retail Investor

Missing. Will be rewarded in case any one finds now.


CEO:

Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO:

Chief Fraud Officer.


Analysts/ Investors Meet

Events forgotten long back.


Large Cap Stocks

Stocks where fall is large.


Mid Cap Stocks:

Stocks behaving mad (Cap) way.


Small Cap Stocks:

Stocks getting smaller every day.


Multi-baggers:

Stocks that will make you (multi) beggar.


Future Stars:

Stocks you have to search for (in the sky) after some time.


Hidden Gems:

Stocks, which will be hiding from you (or you may hide from it) after some time.


Online Trading:

Internet Account of which, the password has been forgotten.


Tele Trading:

Phones switched off.

P/E ratio:

Percentage of price correction after your purchase.

EBITDA:

Earnings Before I (Industry) Tricked the Dumb Auditor.


Buy, Buy:

Taxi-wala giving tips.


Standard and Poor (S&P):

Lifecycle of an investor in a nutshell.


Stock split:

Your former wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.




Market correction:

Day after you buy stocks.




Cash flow:

Movement of your invested money down the drain.