Wednesday, September 24, 2008

New Investment Vocabulary

Bull Market:

Random market movement causing any investor (Layman) to mistake himself as a financial genius.

Bear Market:

A time period (duration unknown) during which, children get no pocket money, wife gets no jewels and the husband gets no sex.

Momentum Trading:

The fine art of buying high and selling low.

Value Investing:

The finest art of buying low and selling much lower.

Stock Editor:

The person who scratches his head wondering why his every prediction goes wrong.

Managing Editor:

The person, who does not know any thing and accepts that by telling every time, “I don’t know”

Rating Agency:

The firm, which has just downgraded your stock.


The person, who tells you to buy at higher levels and sell at lower levels.


Earlier prosperous, now poorer than you.

Foreign Institutional investor (FII):

Last year investment bank, this year bankrupt.

Domestic Institutional Investor:

Last year investments, this year provisions

Mutual Funds:

Managing your funds in such a way that NAV always goes down regardless the market movement.

Retail Investor

Missing. Will be rewarded in case any one finds now.


Chief Embezzlement Officer.


Chief Fraud Officer.

Analysts/ Investors Meet

Events forgotten long back.

Large Cap Stocks

Stocks where fall is large.

Mid Cap Stocks:

Stocks behaving mad (Cap) way.

Small Cap Stocks:

Stocks getting smaller every day.


Stocks that will make you (multi) beggar.

Future Stars:

Stocks you have to search for (in the sky) after some time.

Hidden Gems:

Stocks, which will be hiding from you (or you may hide from it) after some time.

Online Trading:

Internet Account of which, the password has been forgotten.

Tele Trading:

Phones switched off.

P/E ratio:

Percentage of price correction after your purchase.


Earnings Before I (Industry) Tricked the Dumb Auditor.

Buy, Buy:

Taxi-wala giving tips.

Standard and Poor (S&P):

Lifecycle of an investor in a nutshell.

Stock split:

Your former wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.

Market correction:

Day after you buy stocks.

Cash flow:

Movement of your invested money down the drain.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

To add to these

Foreign Bank Employees:

Last year bonus in crores

This year jobless